Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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