these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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