I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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