just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
