I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
