I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
