Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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