Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
