Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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