I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
