Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
