Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
