ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
