I cannot find my penis.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
