So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
