Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
