the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
