No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize