Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize