After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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