just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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