I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
