YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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