Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
