he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
