i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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