dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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