So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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