Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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