I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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