Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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