Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
