his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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