The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love black thongs
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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