you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
