Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
