Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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