Your mouth is God's brothel.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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