Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
