I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
