Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
