when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
