I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
