Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
