I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
