my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
