Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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