Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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