I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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