no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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