when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
