Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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