God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
