areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
