so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
