do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize