I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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