Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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