Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
