I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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