I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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