me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
