I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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