I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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