Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
