I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
