THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
